Friday, August 22nd: No Pick Today

I really liked the Rangers at home vs. the Guardians.  I just can't put in the effort today.  

A lady called me for a dishwashing job a day ago.  I applied and was excited to get an interview.  And then I had a panic attack and was filled with this hatred and anger that I couldn't really cope with.  

They put stipulations on their job that aren't in the job description.  The job was to wash dishes at the diner.  But the real job was to date, support, marry and surrender.  

I can't get over the fact that this is what this world is all about.  Because me, Id give you my last dollar out of my own free will but when you tell me that my livelihood or my life depends on having relationships and coming to grips with some sort of interdependence that isn't of my own heart or of my own being or of my own choosing, it fills me with this damn hatred that I can't explain and how can that be a good thing?  

They put a duty on the duty.  A duty on the duty on the duty.  It's a fucking maze of duties in this world.  

It destroys my heart.  And that's what they want, they want to destroy your heart and "redeem you" in a new heart.  And "it's a good life" one of their advocates said to me once. 

Then why do you make me feel like it's some sort of bad deal?  You want my heart and you're going to replace it with your good life?  Well my heart made me feel honest and feel like a good person everyday.  The new heart replaces it and is a better heart and a better life?  Why is it born with such hatred then?  Why is it born in compromise?  Why do you have to make a deal and serve for it?  

I can see how a surrender could yield a new happiness.  They treat you like Pavlovs Dog out here.  Every time you yield to their "love" they give you a treat.  They'll give you this and that and you'll smile all the way until they betray you because their heart is on loan and they want it back at the end.   And you die heartless and soulless.  Well I don't want to die without my heart. I don't want to surrender my soul.  

They make you out to be a bad person, call you a sinner, call you a heretic and heathen, call you stupid, call you retarded, make you out to be a pervert or a faggot. They put their bad spirit on you and make you feel guilty about staying true to your own faith and your own beliefs. 

These are the same people who want to redeem you and give you love.  And I'm stuck in this hell without it because I'd rather have a beer than eat a cheeseburger.  Well, I don't want to eat cheeseburgers anymore.  I'll have a fish sandwich.  I'll have an ice cold beer.  

Back to the picks on Monday.